I FEEL SO BLAH

WHAT A DAY!

What a day! I fear I am slipping back into Psychosis! Or at least that is what I am telling myself at this very moment. I am being aware of my surroundings, I caught myself aware that I pulled a few slip backs earlier but I didn't know that I did that but I am doing them again and again. My head is killing me and yet I am doing them. I told Gardner and the Managers the truth today and hopefully they understand and that they don't fire me. I am scared. I know what I did was wrong and well I am ashamed I did it but I know I would possibly do it again if I wasn't medicated right.

I guess I am back into psychosis fearing that I hurt myself in the long run. I will do some work tonight and read my book and figure out what I can do about it. I am tired and yet I am not sleepy. I am afraid to tell mom that I am going back into psychosis for she'll put me back in the hospital but I guess thats where I belong. I need a break from it all no more Valhalla for a while. I just need time to think and relax. Damn it A you really made me mad for thinking these thoughts. I shouldn't of worried about these things. I know its no big deal I could of simply told M the truth.

Wondering why I feel so confused, am I wrong to think this way. I know I shouldn't be angry with him but I am kind of pissed off that I tried to right the wrongs I've created. I'll call for an appointment with Vivian on Monday. I am scared! I am getting to worked up for nothing, maybe they will just think of it as nothing or maybe they will kick me out of campus. Oh well! Life goes right! Tonight I am going to Target with mom! woohoo! I guess thats where my excitement is going to take me.

Well, my mind is a blank right now I don't know what to think any more I feel sad and I feel confused I just wish I knew what to feel. Well I am going to relax and watch some good tv.

Lucky Dog Vendor, This is one of the pictures I retouched that I mentioned as an updated 

Its Cinqo de Mayo

Well yay! Another Cinqo De Mayo and this one is especially awesome cause its 05 o5 o5 totally rocks. Well I am thrilled about I am thinking of going to Valhalla to drink a Dos XX to celebrate with the F&E guys. I am wearing my Cinqo De Mayo Shirt my new shirt I got for the Wedding hopefully it will remain clean and I will send it cleaners on Saturday. But anyway I had a pretty eventful day yesterday I worked on this blog and spent a few hours working on this and trying and edited it. Now I am beginning to see how the downloading pictures work and make them look fancy. I am pretty happy that my pictures are being to look fancy and I am being to have them look museum quality. I take time cropping them and making them look like an exhibit quality too bad I don't have a digital printer to print these fine ass pictures.

Well, I also happy that I have written a post for the second time and I think I am planning on writing a post everyday even on the weekend so I don't forget. Well,I am in the process of watching Ellen, somehow the show is a little stupid but I still watch it why because its like a train wreck, you can't stop but look at it.

I watch the show waiting for the show I do watch from 11-1 Unsolved Mysteries on Lifetime,even though most of the time the show is a rerun or they repeat the stories that previously aired.

Well, I am going to eat something and then going to do some research on somethings I'll be back later to write some more but for now I guess thats all I have to say for now.

Female Bike and Chug Team at Beer Bike 2005 

Beer Soccer at Rice Lacross Field, The beer lasted only the first hour of the game 

i had a friend take this picture of me on the Bike track during Beer Bike Practice the day before the race even though I couldn't participate for the race I did have a great time of 30 seconds 51 mil 

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This is a funny picture of a baby teething on a Saint Arnolds 

Day One

Well this is my first blog on this site and I have figured I should try to introduce myself. I am a young writer who had written several short stories and poems and I finished my first novel, Fire at the Hummingbird Inn. It's a Romance Crime Novel in set in Boston. The story element has the element of Law & Order, yet of sensuality of a good romance novel. I have had people who have read it and they have said its pretty good and well written. So I think I have the knack I have for writing and that I plan on doing that as a career. I want to be a writer like my father.


I am sore and in a heck of a lot of pain but thats mostly due from me having lupus. I have lupus a strange blood immune disorder that effects my blood, organs and muscle structure and sometimes it effects my bones and mostly it hurts when i try to sit and walk. I can't do much without stretching. So I am in a lot of pain, the dog is in the same way she has a lot of pain too, she doesn't have lupus but she was hit by a car on Sunday. I have a 7 month old puppy Maxine.

Well also if I am a passionate Democrat and I am very vocal against my policies against President Bush's policies and the whole Republican side of things. A lot of people will call me a leftist and I am not a shame to say that I am.

I am also very critical about what is seen on t.v. and I give my criticism about everything and I am sarcastic about just about everything. I was raised that way so if you don't like don't like it then read someone else's blog.


I also listen to all types of music, and yes I make fun of that too. Whatever the subject is I know there can be a joke to be made fun out of it.

i find humour in my writings and also in my every day life. I have my friends who sometimes don't get most of my jokes some of them go over there heads. But I still aim to make them laugh. But I do have a serious side, and I do work on that most of the time when I am focused on something but I do like having fun.

Well,I am going to rest my muscles and hopefully I can feel better cause I hate being so sore.