Googly Gaga Goo

I had a great dream, last night. I spent the night dreaming I was working with Atticus Finch. The hero and lawyer of To Kill A Mockingbird. I loved the film and thought it was possibly one of my great films. Atticus is so cool. A nerdy but gentleman of the south trying to protect Tom Robinson a black man accused of Rape. I loved the characters, and Boo Radley when I was younger, kind of scared me. I thought he was a great weirdo,but I think out of all my literary characters my favorite is Dill, I mean he is so funny and yet so off beat with his comments. I mean Harper Lee said that she modeled Dill after Truman Copote. I myself am a big fan of Truman Copote. He was an excellent writer in his own world. I kind of mimic him in some of his stories. In Cold Blood is a classic, and I think that helped me write my book. I am a romantic I also loved Breakfast at Tiffany's .

I found that Truman Copote is one of the few writers,that was wierd but was also passionate about writing. I tend to believe that he was well describe his characters and sometimes they just were awesome. I think of mode American authors he is one of my favorites.

Well I have packed up my clothes and ready to go for my trip to Alabama. I can't wait. I haven't been to Alabama in ages. Plus I can't wait to see my friends, I finally have the confidence to tell them I am a writer. I also am working on several articles. I have packed and did some walking around the house and my legs feel good.

I can't really wait to sit in the car for 8hrs. It is going to be a long trip but its going to be fun. I am planning on writing and reading. The weather outside is supposed to be a hot and I am glad I'll be in the nice airconditioning car.

I have a music selected for this trip. I am going to leave as soon as she is ready. I am pretty happy today I took my medicine and I am relaxed. I guess it was the dream.

Right now I am watching Ellen,the show sucks but its better than nothing at all. I am also going to try to pack my computer. I have a long day ahead of me and I am ready to start it. I enjoy roadtrips sometimes they help inspire me on writing.

I have been writing and research for my book.

Can you come up with the funniest caption for this picture?
Contest Picture Number 2.

A Lagnappe of stuff,

Hey,
Well what a long boring morning this has been. Last night was pretty fun I watched Smallville and had friends come over. I feel really wired. I took a shower and shaved and now I look nice. I was supposed to go to the galleria, but of course I am staying in today again. I hate that I am stuck inside the house again but at least I have my health and my body doesn't feel as achy as before. I had a good breakfast of strawberries and waffles. It was delicious. I also slept till 10 today and that felt awesome too.

I have actually lost weight, yay me! That is what I feel, that I am not as fat as before and I can finally fit in a pair of pants without holding it in. I also have stretched a little and been going to bed at an early time. I haven't really had a midnight snack to eat, but I did eat a little late last night, cause I wasn't really hungry till I went to bed. Today I cleaned my room and put clothes in the hamper in the bathroom and well I took time time to reclean it. I can't wait to start my day today, I have been feeling really good today like I am more aware. I am also finishing up a new book about Pierre Eliott Trudeau,former Prime Minister of Canada, its a great biography and I am also doing research about the election that is coming up. I am pretty happy that I have become more aware with the Canadian Politics, it makes aware, and since I am always facinated in any form of politics I figured I should be interested in the politics of my other citizenship.

Last night , I saw this PBS documentary on Piano Blues. It was terrific program and they showed Dr.John, one of my favorite living blues man. Well I love the Blues and I love the sound of the piano when its played. My friend from high school Nick was a great pianist. and he spend hours just playing old school blues like Ray Charles classic, Mess Around or Lightin Hopkins. It was pretty cool seeing him jam on the piano when we were at school.

---- -----------------a music review of sort.
Well last night, and this is a review of some sort, I listened to the new Bruce Springsteen album Devils and Dust. I myself loved the album, it was so warming and so melodic, some of the songs were even better than his earlier work. In a way he brought back the spirit of classic Bob Dylan, in the song Devils and Dust. I will be the first to admit I wasn't a big Springsteen fan when I was younger but I did like listening to some of the songs and some where even pulling the heart strings. Several songs, in this album were great folkish type song. But others where typical Bruce styles.

The messages in each of song is great. I tend to listen for the messages and the lyrics and some of shows an attack on the war in Iraq and Bush that to me was why I liked it.


So I would concider this album as a must have.

**** out of ****

The weather outside is beautiful, and not many clouds but i am still stuck in the house. I am happy that things are going well and since I am going to be leaving for the weekend for the wedding I am submitting my newest photo for caption contest. I will hopefully have plenty of photos of the wedding when we get back. I can't wait to finally be out of the house. I hate being stuck inside. Also I am not planning on going to Valhalla even though its tempting. I don't want to tempt faith. Also tonight hopefully we will have a new Aprentice. No update on that subject. See last week's blog for my input.

Plus I need to pack my suitcase for the Wedding. I have a pretty busy day today, I have to call Meyerland Animal Clinic to place Miss Maxine in the kennel and I have to write a few hours for now. A lot of thoughts are going through my mind and I am having a lot of things I need to do before we leave.
So incase I don't write on Friday I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I have an idea, for my caption contest, I will post one on Sunday and one Thursday. Well anyway I want to thank those who submitted there captions for the first pic and hopefully we will have more for the next one.

A second blog in the same day

Well I ranted in the last post about media coverage and the scene in Houston. I am here wondering, what a beautiful day I am spending indoors. Yea its sucks that I am stuck in here because if I go outside my organs will be hurt and I will become delusional. So I figured I will stay at home tonight and watch Smallville and Law&Order. My feet are still swollen and my back is a bit achy but other than that I am fine.

Nothing exciting happend today, I updated my website and fixed several pages and rewrite some of the stuff I put there. It was a long time since I last posted something but, it needed to be done. I also wrote for a few hours so that kept me busy. I am taking a break from all the writing and I have done some research for the book. I have done my article for this week and hopefully it will be done. You know the last minute effort of doing something that is due the next day, well thats what I did. I sent the thing out and I have finally done a paper a day before deadline.

I saw a really stupid show today,I was wondering why was I watching but have no fear, I changed it before watching the whole thing. I think I am going to invite the chica to watch tv with me. I am watching these people skipping work waiting in line for the Star Wars. I know I may of said this before, but I won't be camping out inline for theaters for the premire of the new film. Infact I kind of feel that its creepy that these people are so obsessed with the film. Well I am not, and I really don't care for Star Wars. I just think its a good film but not obssessed with each of the stories infact I haven't seen Episode 2.

I think before I watch episode 3 I need to watch the first 5 again. I may even watch it on DVD before seeing it theatres. Well I think I will do that one day this summer.

Well I am going to relax nothing good is on tv so I may take a nap or try to walk without being sick.

Before I go, I thought this was funny even though I am a male.

20 Things you'll NEVER hear men say:

I think Barry Manilow is one cool mother fucker.

No, I don't want another beer, I have to work tomorrow.

Her tits are just too big.

Sometimes I just want to be held.

That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.

Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.

We haven't been to the mall for ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.

Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Ally.

It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.

Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?

I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss
.
I'm sick of beer . . . give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.

I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her to close them.

No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.

Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at them anymore.

I understand.

This movie has too much nudity
.
Damn, we're late for church.

Put some panties on for Christ's sake.

I thought that was funny, even though I know a lot of men may hate this.

Its News To Me Its News To You A Rant on Houston's Local News

Don't Get Me Started.

---------- I tend to complain alot and well thats true, but I am getting more and more upset with the news. No I am not saying that the news is all bad, but local news here in Houston has really become a joke. Top Local Network News is going to be attacked.
They start airing fluff stories that really aren't journalistic material. A few weeks ago, I was watching channel 2, the NBC affilated station, and they were reporting on a doggy diet for there channel's mascot Radar. My question what the hell is so newsworthy about a small dog's diet. Sure we should be concerned that our pets don't get over weight but damn it its not a major news story. I am sorry but some of these things just get frustrating.

Also in the same network, there investgating team are really reaching to make people afraid to go out. Here is the story, Steven Dean, wanted to warn parents about online predetors and posed as a 15 yr old girl online and lured men to come visit her. Once they came to the house, they were in for a "surprise" instead of a 15 yr old girl, you had a fat middle age man with a camera. Well sure we should be afraid of who our child chats with online but having a repeative news story over and over about online preditors and chasing them down. Its kind of creepy. This channel wants you to be afraid of everything, and I am not joking pretty much anything that people do, they'll find some way to say it will kill you. If it doesn't kill you its not news to them.

Well Channel 13 also has there fair share of sensational news stories but they also have there share of local media legends working for there news casts, they have the Marvin Zindler.This guy tops the list of outrageous reporters working for a local station. He worked on exposing the imfamous Chicken Ranch, and his reporting and his tatics were parodied in the musical, The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas. His reporting and his stories are really just bunk. Also the same station has Jeff Ealing,this is a reporter who makes anything depressing to watch. I mean he find's these stories and make them so sad, not for the people involved but the way he reports them. A crisis in a small town,he makes it seem like a Shakespearan tragedy. It kind of makes me sick to watch the news hearing how life is listening to him.

Channel 26, the Fox Affilated station doesn't report the news, it just seems like it cut and pastes news stories from other networks and claim them as there own. No major sensationalism, but they will find a story that will really try to boost there ratings.

Channel 39, the WB affliate, although new to the news scene they try to show viewers they mean business. My only problem is that its one of those news shows that seems that everyone is watching but really its on a network that no body really cares. I remember when Channel 39 when they aired crappy syndicated sitcoms that networks couldn't shelves. Then they revamped the network first as an all black station which was replaced by the UPN, but has now become an all Teenybopper drama network. Sure I like some of the shows,on the WB but most of them just don't appeal to me, mainly because I am the wrong gender and too old to watch these shows.


Well last network which I find to have a normal news with a few stories that are with a very few sensationalistic stories. Is Channel 11 CBS, the local news, has a lot of great stories but most of them are involving disasters involving the Light Rail. Some of these stories are just benign that I can't figure out whats the point of these stories, some people view it as pretty boy news.

These networks,are pulling every stop to be the best but even I don't and I possibly will never figure out which network has the best newscast. So when we chose to watch the news, chose what suits you best, whether you like extreme like Channel 2 or the more calmer approach to the same news, Channel 11.

my pic 

A Rant of American Film Industry.

ok I was reading someone's blog a few weeks ago and they were complaining about Hollywood remaking classic films and you know let me say I agree with the person who wrote the blog. I mean Hollywood hasn't come up with an original idea in ages its all the same crap over and over again. Some films granted are great when they are remade, some just plain suck. But to the Hollywood industry here is a simple note quit making remakes of good films. I mean whats next Casablanca or Gone With The Wind hell Citizen Kane remakes. They would all suck. but I am a classic film and literature buff and I am also a critical of books that are turned into movies so I have to wait and see whether its artistic licenced or if they have merit of the booyk. Classic example, Gone With The Wind, the book by Margret Mitchell was a good and the movie was a classic. MASH the book, was a terrible book but the movie was good, Altman changed it from a Korean plot line to a Vietnamiesq. made sense, and the TV show was excellent. But a great book turned to an excellent interptation to film was Dave Barry's Book Big Trouble. Sure the movie may of been panned by audience& critics but its pretty much word for word the book. You feel as if you are one of the lowlifes in the characters, Another great book turned movie was Mario Puzo's The Godfather but it was more of The Godfather II then the first one.

Speaking of Francis Ford Coppola, he said his inspiration of Apocylpse Now was based on the gruesome book by Joseph Conrad Heart of Darkness,Well that was pretty much the best interpretation of a book without really being the book. However Hollywood also fails in doing details of great books to make good movies, some just suck when they are on screen. An excellent example, is Thomas Harris Red Dragon, that is a double threat in my book, first the book was great the first version of the film ,Manhunter with William Pederson was good but the remake Red Dragon with Ed Norton was just awful.

Well I am sorry but when your job is basically reading and reviewing music and movies you tend to watch for detail if they are anything like the book or if there are flaws. I mean at the end of Jurassic Park, I was like hey that was nothing like the book but I liked the film. I liked its sequel too The Lost World but I didn't like the book. Sometimes movies are better than the book. Rarely but its true.

Well here is another rant about the Hollywood film industry besides coming up with remakes and books turned to film that either are great or blah. Its Hollywood ruining great and not so great foreign films and Americanizing them for American Audiences.

OK, I know that a lot of people hate foreign films, and I know a few who hate reading the subtitles or have no clue what the point are of these foreign films. Some figure that foreign mean cheesey Godzilla or worse half ass Bosinia films that are narrated by a goat. Well here is my take on them, enjoy them, they do have some artisitic merit.

OK example one of good foreign film turned bad Americanization. The japanese classic Shall We Dansu? or Shall We Dance? I mean both had similar plot lines overworked schmoe finds that ballroom dancing is missing in his life so he secretly does it. Well my problem, with the American version is it wasn't believable. I mean Richard Gere didn't really look like he was worn out or that he even needed to be trained to dance he looked like he was natural while in the Japanese version, Kôji Yakusho looked believable as a workaholic accountant.

Plus in the American version you had to have big names to play the key roles like Jennifer Lopez, my question is why? I know she is an ok actress,singer,dancer but why her movies are somewhat miserible.

Well Americans have taken some terrific films from the Japanese and played them as there own originals, A great example is Akira Kurosawa Seven Samurais, well the film is a great story, town is being attack by bandits and the town needs heros so they inlist 7 samurais nijas to protect them. The story sounds familiar well Hollywood did a film similar to it, called the Magnificent Seven, directed by John Stergis,with Steve McQueen and Yul Brenner. Well both films are well played but the original is overlooked because well its foreign and not many believe thats the original. Also a recent film Ringu has been remade and has sold more than the original, but its still scarier than the first one. The Ring, (American version) with Naomi Watts is great is scary and even the unrated version is scarier but try watch the Japanese version that will get your blood curling.

The United States doesn't only take films from the Japanese they also take it from the French. Yea I know so what, Americans don't like the french but we have taken a lot of there films too. Well a funny french film Les Visteurs was well played out and was funny when it was first done. Christian Clavier is a gem as the dimwitted servant and Jean Reno was funny as the prince. Well,Americans decided it would be a great idea if they brought the film to an American Audience and to much to the dismay the film bombed in the box office. Here is the kicker,it was the same exact plot as the first one in French but made into English with the same actors playing the same type of roles they played. I mean, the original was funny the remake american film was terrible.

Another great french film and this was a terrible American film from the get go, starting with the cast, was Taxi. I mean I felt as if Gerard Peres was an excellent director of the french film and the film was well played out, and even had some action.
But the American film was just awful, first Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon I mean the question was like what the hell was this another Black and White cop flick. I mean being chased by supermodel bankrobbers,"give me a break",

I mean in the original, the taxi driver is a smart ass & inept cop who doesn't how to drive and he but its still has the combo of both action and comedy in the film film.

I mean,there were somethings that were so stupid in the American film that I even just wondered what the hell was the director thinking of. First, in the original, the robbers were German and tough as hell but in this version to make it upbeat and to appeal to the men, they were Brazillian and they were hot. So what! I just thought the original was more realistic and visual while the American looked like a comedic version of a bad episode of Knight Rider.

Well I can't wait to see what's the next foreign film Americans are going to butcher next. Here is a few suggestions that they can do, trust me I may review them and be glad to give my opinions whether there version can match the foreign or is better.



La Vita E Bella (directed by Roberto Benigni) a great Italian story about the Nazis Death Camps and the love of a boy and his father.

Le Ballon Rouge (directed by Albert Lamorisse) a story about a boy and the journey of a red balloon.

or a classic Jackie Chan film My Lucky Stars. yes another cop film but this one is pretty good though, he teams up with Sammy Hung and the two are pretty cool.



Well those are just a few foreign films I would and maybe see as an American interpretation.

I have ranted about the American film industry and I think I should say like every director and say thats a wrap. I'll write more tommorow. For now my muscles are getting weaker.

The Front Page a review

First a little info on the play.

Hildy Johnson, newspaper reporter, is engaged to Peggy Grant and planning to move to New York for a higher paying advertising job. The court press room is full of lame reporters who invent stories as much as write them. All are waiting to cover the hanging of Earl Williams. When Williams escapes from the inept Sheriff, Hildy seizes the opportunity by using his $260 honeymoon money to payoff an insider and get the scoop on the escape. However, Walter Burns, the Post's editor, is slow to repay Hildy back, hoping that he will stay on the story. Getting a major scoop looks possible when Hildy stumbles onto the bewildered escapee and hides him in a roll-top desk in the press room. Burns shows up to help. Can they keep Williams' whereabouts secret long enough to get the scoop, especially with the Sheriff and other reporters hovering around

Well the play was written by Ben Hecht and Charles Mac Arthur. I love the play and the movies are halarious.

The characters are so well played. The Sheriff, Pete Hartman is so dumb and wants to win the election so badly that he will do anything in his way to get reelected also his lines are classic and Earl Williams is so nerdy that I would love to play his role. Walter Burns plays the type of Boss that reminds me of my dad that he wants to push you extra hard to get the facts in the story first rather than adding detail. Hildy, is like me, a go getter from the start but wants to quit his job as a reporter and want to branch out in the world and get married to his new sweetheart Peggy, but his true love is journalism. Like my true love is writing,and I couldn't escape writing if it killed me. There is pretensious and anal Roy V Bennsinger who is so anal about everything that his character is such a tight wide he would be great to play also. There is Earl Williams love intrest or someone who was the only one who believed him, Molly Malloy,a call girl.

Well those are just a few a characters. But I recommend for all of you to watch any of the following the classic films of Alfred Manjou and Pat O'Brien or the Walter Matthau or Jack Lemmon film or the recent adaptation of the film Switching Channels with Kathleen Turner and Burt Reynolds.

These films are all very good and I am possibly since my father raised me to write a story with information then detail. I am a writer and that is why I also love the Front Page and that is why I am possibly am addicted to the movies.


Well thats a review of The Front Page.

Other than that my muscles are killing me and I have a massive headache and can't move my arms really well. My legs are feeling like slush right now. I am about to take a shower and write the next story in about 30 minutes. I have been working on this entry for working and hopefully Spin takes the credit for it. Tonight, I may stay home and watch t.v. or relax my muscles and apply a mask. I have to do a beauty mask for an article I am doing. Kind of fun Sarah gave me an article for me to write about Beauty tips for Men. I am trying it out and I will let you know how it goes. I will write a sample article here before I send it out to the publisher.

I think I am going to ask dad to buy some pickles, I am craving them,but I know he doesn't like them. Plus I need some cucumbers for Meg and I. Maxine is sitting next to me and looks like she is depressed,but she is tired she woke up at 8 with me. I made a pot of coffee and I have to reheat the cup I made.
This day has been pretty good so far, I have been sore but I am not debilatating, and I am sore and hopefully I can move around today. I will attempt to walk around someplace. Hopefully I won't be stung by the sun.

Well I am waiting on dad to wake up. Well, I am pretty good spirits today and hope to work on my new diet program and trying to keep my face healthy for the wedding this Saturday. I still can't believe Chip is getting married. I am happy for him. Him and Kerry make a cute couple and well I am happy for them. So just a heads up readers, I won't be online for the next few days starting Friday. Unless I can bring my laptop with me. I will post the latest contest photo on Thursday.

Alright I am going to finish for now I'll write my next blog about politics in 3 hours. or so.

Contest I am proposing

This is a Genius of an Idea!Each week I will find funniest and somewhat dimwitted pictures I find online and post them and each week I will post them like I did with the reporter and ask people to place there comments and ask people to submit there funniest comments on each of the pictures I have displayed. For each comment that I deem funny I will give a shout out to on the following week's blog. I will find and please feel free to submit your own copy of wacky pictures to me as well. I will be gladly mock them.It will be a contest, a wacky photo plug contest. Who ever comes up with the best plug wins

An Early Start

I started my day at an early today. I woke up at 8 am and started doing my laundry at 8:30 and I am drying my clothes right now. So far thats pretty much has been my day. I have been working hard in keeping my clothes clean and keeping my room clean too. I also removed the excess from the closet which I mentioned yesterday. Earlier today I watched CBS Sunday Morning, I rarely watch the show but today I made the occasion to watch because they were showing the Good Life. Well they showed Lifestyle of the Rich & Famous celebrity sponge Robin Leach. I mean thats what he is a sponge, he absorbs everything about the wealthy and sucks it up and then takes it puts in the platter of the less fortunate. How funny a guy named Leach is really a leach.
I am also planning on doing my closet later on afterwards. I am watching Meet The Press. I did do somethings besides my laundry,I took my medicine, emailed Silvia, and made coffee. I am pretty sure that my day will be boring as hell but I have done enough today that would pretty much last me a whole day if I wasn't bored today. I know what's dad's plans he is going to a party and I am stuck inside cooped up because I can't go outside because of the sun. I am going to take a shower after I finish my blog. I will put the chair in the garage. Things couldn't be any more boring today I have done everything that I need to do.

The weather is hot and humid that really sucks because I can't go anywhere I hate being stuck or cooped up inside the house. Its just feels as if I am underhouse arrest. Oh well. I can't complain,well ya I can,but I have done that all the time.

Well I am going to figure out what to wear in a few minutes. I am watching celebrity children and see how well they are pampered and saw how they are got there money from there mom's and dad. I mean I make 40 a week and if I save my money I can make a lot of money. Well I am working on this blog looking at other blogs to submit some of my articles and rants, I have nothing really to rant about, well maybe Tom "Dumbass"DeLay. Which is pretty cool with my Democratic point of view and that is hard to control especially here in a Red state and especially in his district of Houston. I am lucky, I am in "shudder" Culbertson or Mothra aka Martha Wong. But I am very political and tend to do it and when i am passionate about it I keep at it. I will write about my political point of views in later blogs. Or maybe later today.

Well I am going to shower and hopefully I won't feel as sticky as before. I'll write some more later but for now the shower time and hang my clothes. I have to shower and shave and hopefully wake dad up.

What a long and productive day.

I have an absolutely no life today.
You know when the days are getting to the point when you start organize things in your room that really don't need to do. Well I first Organized my wallet, I placed my important phone numbers and health insurance cards.
I also reorganized my closet and rearrange my hats. I mean I never felt as if I were so anal about doing something but I needed to get it done. I re arranged the hats based on whether I wear them,sun hats beach hats and goofy hats and college hats. With my closet I cleaned and made room for stuff I didn't have room for before, I put my bags on the side and and I am able to open and close it. I think I can put my chair in the garage. That way I can have more room in the closet. I am aiming at removing most of my stuff in my room and having as little as possible.

Tommorow I will aim at cleaning up the rest of the closet but tonight I am going to rest and relax. My muscles are back to aching me. My tummy is hurting me and I feel that I should take the diet pill before going to bed and hopeful I'll go to bed around 10:30pm. I am going to drink something that will help ease my stomach.

I think tommorow, I am going to the dollar store I will ask dad if he can buy me some paper and something to help make my room smell nicely cause it feels as it stinks. I have put my dirty clothes in the hamper in the bathroom but it still has a terrible smell. I think an Air Refreshener. And that could possibly help ease the smell and I am pretty sure that the odor will go away.

OK Well I am going to go and relax

Hehe Crazy Not Even GrapeFruits

Well I went to the airport this morning, Mom is official off for her trip to France. I hope she has a wonderful time though its going to be mostly business but she is going with Grandmaman. My muscles feel kind of ok today. I feel like some days I feel as if I have Lou Gerihgs Disease's or ALS. I mean I have the twitching and the pains in the legs and muscles but thats mostly from the Lupus. I know its not ALS,thank goodness.

Well, I am woke up at 5:30 this morning and went and I am not really tired just sore. I went to bed again and woke up an hour later so I feel fine. Dad is sleeping on the couch. I finally found out the name of the damn scary puppet that gave me nightmares when I was a child. There was a this puppet and this guy with a southern accent who was the straight man and the puppet was the comedian and she was british and she told these really terrible jokes and she just scared the hell out of me. I remember Family Guy doing a parody of it, Peter Griffin and Madam but I didn't remember who was the straight man or the puppet. I just remember the scary puppet. It was Madam and Wayland Flowers.

I don't know why, that big drunken nose and her bobbly head I guess. But I guess when you get older you can laugh at stuff you were afraid of before. But I am still afraid of somethings,but I guess I shouldn't be afraid of Madam again. I am afraid of falling and some heights. I can be on top of high rise and look down but i can't look down twice without having vertigo. I am also afraid of violence or really loud noise.

Well I was watching The Rolling Stones on the Today Show and my god they are so cool but they are freaky looking. Keith Richards reminds me of what I am going to loo like when I am 60 if I did heroin. Hell Keith Richards is still the coolest guy in the world and Mick Jagger is the guy I would love to rock with. I mean I wish I was skinny as them,but Charlie Watt reminds me of one of those Edvard Munch paintings you know "The Scream" still a great musician but so pale. I would love and I know tickets are possibly sold out but I would sell a whole lot my stuff just to get tickets to the see the Stones, but I don't know who I would go with, who actually likes the Stones. I know, it with my luck it would be a day Dad had to work, so I couldn't ask him. Bjorn maybe ,but he isn't a fan. Michael he saw them before but isn't a big fan. Hmm! I can ask Melissa or call a friend.

Well I feel like I am feeling as if I am crying and its weird my arms feel numb and I am tired. I just took my meds and I feel really peppy but at the same time I feel drained. Like I just cried or something. I am trying to figure out what to do today. I have written how I feel and maybe I will write a few e-mails. Maybe, I should do what I did yesterday and not eat till late at night and purge. I know thats not a good idea but I have lost some more of my weight. I figured I have lost some of my weight which is healthy but I got to find a way to be healthy and concern but I have to figure a way to lose the gut and I am trying a way to do it without killing myself and hurting myself by doing excerise. I can't walk because of the Sun, I want to try some excerise a way that won't kill me. I could stretch or at least do sit ups.

The Aprentice Update for This Week.

Well In a Final note for this morning, no Aprentice was Hired or Fired yesterday which really sucked but the projects that they worked on were pretty cool. I mean the Book Smarts had a really cool project hosting the World Video Game Championships and set up a boxing theme and they operated it smoothly eventhough they did have a few minor flaws having the dorky guy with glasses,Danny, who last time he did something with as project manager or anything with the team he made a total fiasco out of the whole ordeal. He tries to play the cool nerdy guy but infact he doesn't have a clue about being cool and yet he is smart, but the team did a good job with there project. Kendra really led the team and got the project to work smoothly.


However, the Street Smarts Team, it looked like a disaster from the get go. It looked like the team wouldn't cooperate with Tana, they were trying to fight each other and were upset that things weren't going well and people were running on there schedual on what they saw fit. They were doing a mini Olympics for a set up for the idea of the 2012 Olympics in New York. Tana had a the Governor of New York wait a while for a program and then the program had some faults and was poorly edited, even I would find that bad. Though it was Kristen's responsiblity to do to make correct the proofs and run them right, the leadership does fell behind. Also,when this is just a little Nit picking, but when they had the flags of nations they didn't have the American flag, which well if the United States isn't mentioned and well Donald Trump and the Governor are big Americans, they kind of see that as a big boo-boo. But I wouldn't count that against her. I just saw that the Street Smarts team didn't care when they left, they seemed like her Leadership was weaker and they didn't fall through.

At the boardroom, though the two were defending why they should get the job. Tana explained though she had many faults in her team, she struggled and they did work and accomplished to get the job done right. Which she did. Also she explained that she is willing to fight and push harder to work and is a predetor and that she will do anything she needs to do to be the next aprentice. She explained the sacrfice she had to do,to work and raise a family, rather than finishing school.

Kendra. Well she said the same thing but she was saying that her education was essential for her to get the job. She also explained that her team worked together real well, even though she had a little trouble at first with Danny, but afterwards it ran smoothly. She appricated the service of the team work. She also explained why she should be an Apprentice.

So when I said yesterday I was pulling for both teams Donald Trump had a tough situation to deal with, one with a leader who had a team fall short of expectations and the other who worked hard on there goal and but at the end they both produced there goals really well. I liked each tasked and I knew I couldn't do it on my own as a Project manager or a helpful task. I would volunteer to help. I mean it looked tough for Tana to win if her team didn't like working for her and her crazy ideas and plans, but she did handle the boardroom calmly and she took guts when she was questioned about her faults.

Kendra, was emotional, but in a good way when she was describing how happy her team worked together and that they were better working together rather than competing against one another. She was tough on questions,that were posed on her when asked about leadership, even though she had more wins than Tana.

So I wouldn't be surprise if she became the winner.
But I am not going to say she is the clear Winner. Because here is the funny thing at the end of the show last night they called in the exs back in and next Thursday we will hear what they say and that will determine who will be the next Apprentice.


I did like seeing that Erin was back on TV even though we saw her for a few seconds. In the episode what I thought was halarious was Donald Trump playing Video Games. I mean I wonder if he plays them at Trump Towers with George. He seemed like he was too focused on the game. I doubt it but it was funny seeing him play I just imagine him with one of those Big Gulps and plays Video Games. HAHA.

I am stretch a little and hopefully I can feel my muscles and then write my e-mails. Well I have a bit of a back pain but I will move on. Hopefully I can go out tonight. Which I have been stuck inside all week and I want to go out. Hopefully my muscles will let me go. Alright, I am going to write some more later on tonight.

A Thought Before The Aprentice Finale

Like most of you, I watch the mindless void of television hit the NBC hit The Aprentice. Sure I don't really like Donald Trump but I do like the show and its pretty cool watching it and I like this season's premise College graduates versus High School graduates, its the battle of Street Street Smart vrs Book Smarts. Well, in the end its a battle between the two teams Kendra and Tana.
Kendra from the Book Smarts and Tana from Street Smarts. The two are really tough competors and I don't really know who I should pull for.
Kendra is an actractive woman from the Book Smart's Team who could win because she is smart and has pulled a few wins as project manager and and she is a college graduate and she knows how to operate a successful business.

Tana is a from the Street Smart Team who could win could win cause she won a task or two as project manager as a project manager but she isn't a college graduate but she doesn't measure up to tasks like Kendra. Infact in one task that Kendra was Project manager when she was in the same team with her she and Craig another person on the show they fell asleep while Kendra worked on the project by herself and they won the task.
But in my opinion, I had a few people I who I thought who were good looking on the show were

Erin, a was from the Book Smarts Team, Audrey a Hottie from the Street Smarts.

Well in a few hours we will find out in a few hours who will be the next Aprentice.

my legs are numbs

I have terrible pains in my legs and I have terrible cramps everywhere else. What is really sad its all because of lupus. I hate this illness. I tried to walk to the Dollar store near my house which is only half a mile I couldn't walk a half a mile without feeling long winded and out of breath and stretched. The sharp pain in my back is killing me. I am tired and extremely sore. I know I shouldn't worry but with these pains there comes numbness everwhere in my arms and feet. Pins especially in the toes.

Well I tried to take a nap but I was woke up by my cellphone. Stupid cellphone. Like I have said before I wish I was able to walk or feel things under my feet without feeling cramps. I am tired as well.
I can't move my legs I feel like as if I am paralized. I am so numb. I feel as if i am having hot flashes some moments I am hot other moments I am hot other moments i am cold. Damn I don't know what to feel.

I once again feeling as if I am a prisoner of my own body, I can't go out anywhere, if I go somewhere I'll get sick and feel weak. If I stay I'll get cabin fever. So I am trapped. I can't move my muscles I can't do anything. I am bored I know I am whining but damn it get me out of this mess. I wish I lived in Alaska or Antartica. Yea its cold but at least its not hot and my body could handle the cold.

Maybe I should live back in Canada where I can smoke Marijuana so it can ease my muscle problems legally. Lupus is a severe medical condition and plus its cold there. Two pretty cool things that are great pluses in life. Down sizes of Canada. One Cigarettes are expensives and Close to family to interfere in my personal business. But hell, if I can work out a deal, maybe I can live in Ottawa. I loved Ottawa when i was a student and who knows I find it a city I can handle living. Plus its always a home away from home. Plus its an hour from Montreal, I don't have to visit the family when I want rather than see them all the time and they don't have to interfer in my business on every little detail. I will check out places in Ottawa and jobs there too. Maybe a computer job at Corel or work at the Sun or the other newspaper. But find a job in Ottawa. I know its just a cake dream but find something first. Show mom first. Show her a proposal. Explain to her why I want to do it, maybe work in Parliment or a lobbying firm for Lupus.

I will submit a resume and show mom what i plan on doing and ask her if she agrees if i should do this. Well I know this maybe a fantasy but I want to persue this dream and make it a reality. First I will try to find my resume that I worked with Paul, that guy from Montreal and rewrite it and create it myself and save it on my own computer. And show mom.

Well I am going to try to stretch legs. If it works I am going to walk a little. I'll write more later tonight and give you my views on the season finale of the Aprentice.

Sleep My Sheep Sleep.

I got a haircut today and boy do I look super sharp and I look and I feel nice. But I am not as fat as I was before but I am still not as skinny as I want to be. I am sore and there are throbbing pains in my lower calves. I really hate having lupus, it causes so much agony in the muscles and I also am sticky feel sick. I have drank a lot of water when I got home. But I have taken a break from walking and I need to charge my batteries.

My batteries are like in low power slowly going back to full strength but I am getting my energy back. I am tired but I don't want to nap, we are going to that E-bay shop today hopefully they can sell my stuff quickily. I really need the money and hate that I am sort of broke. I no longer work at Valhalla, the managers decided I should no longer be bartender. Its upsetting to me but I am welcomed back as a customer. I mean I wasn't paid for working there but I did enjoy being behind the bar.

Well I just got back from the Ebay shop and well that was a total let down. I can't sell any of the stuff I was planning to sell so I am going to ask dad to see if he can help me sell it on his own account. I mean its so boring here I may take a nap my muscles are killing me. I hate feeling sick my bones and my head are throbbing and every part of my body is also killing me. I got a haircut. I am broke and I have to wait till Friday to get paid. Plus I don't think of going anytime soon to Valhalla.

Wellthe dog is sleeping on the couch and dad is reading in the living room and I am too tired to write the list of stuff I want to sell so I'd do that when I wake up. Hopefully I'll have enough energy when I wake up. Another day with pain and the worse part of it is I deal with and I can't believe that Lupus is what is kicking my ass and making me worse then before. I hate having this disease. I can't be in the sun for only 30 minutes before my organs turn into soup. Its like God wants to tell me I created the Sun so you can't play in it. I am sick of being sick. Well,I am going to drink more water and write a few e-mails or go to sleep and then write the e-mails. Either way I am tired of being so sore that I can't move any part of my body without hearing the sounds of my muscles cracking.

My bones are like jello. Speaking of jello, I think I'll eat some orange jello. I ate some yesterday and that was good. I tend to ramble about stupid things if you didn't notice.

Well I am losing the battle of weight gain but I am still a bit fat but I am going to lose a lot more weight soon. I am cutting down on midnight snacks. Eating healthy is my plan. AH CRAP MY FEET ARE SWELLING AGAIN.
I AM GOING TO BED.

i wish i were ok

Pinocco wanted to be a real boy I just wish i was normal. I am just sick that i can't make any money. I want to be normal. I wish I could make money and neither of my parents like the idea of E-bay cause they are worried they will be cheated or there identity will be stolen. I understand them but damn it I want to be normal. Why can't I make money. Why can't I be normal a normal 24 year old. I hate having this illness why can't I be like everyone else have nothing to worry about. I wish i was happy again. I am so wasn't so sad. I want to make money on my own rather than depending it on mom and dad the 20 dollars a week. I mean if I sold my own stuff on E-bay. I could of made a fortune. I want to be normal. I hate that I am sick yes I am mentally ill. I hate my parents they are at fault. I never thought I would say this but they are totally at fault for me being born. I am so angry with them,i am not normal, I can't make money by getting a job,or social security would be gone so if I sold things on E-bay it would help pay for my share of stuff. I would sell my books some of my clothes that didn't fit me any more. At least I would be happy I could be able to save my money for my birthday and other things and buy stuff for me. I wouldn't have to ask for money in the long run.

Damn it I wish I were a normal 24 year old. I know there is no such a thing as normal, but I mean someone who didn't have to take his medicine everyday, someone who didn't have to stop and think what was real and not real, some one who didn't step into psychosis. I didn't have to leap into a delusional state, someone who didn't have to be medicated someone who's brain acts funny all the time. Someone who is angry and depressed and really hates that who isn't happy with himself. I don't have a job who is supposed to have graduated, who is supposed to have a girlfriend, someone who is to have been living on his own, someone who is aware of his surroundings someone who can make his own money none of this has happend to me all I have done to myself is hurt myself even further. I am not normal I am a schizophrenic who is trapped betweeen emotions.

Maybe I am angry, I am sad I wish I knew what the hell to think damn it I hate having these emotions. Getting so worked up to its giving me a head ache. Part of me wish I was dead the other part of me wants them to know how I feel the other part of me doesn't know how to explain it but I am pissed I am with them that they cursed me with this problem. I mean they screwed me.

I believe God gave me a raw deal in life. I figured God made me his joke and thought everything was a big joke for him and laughed when he created me saying lets see how much we can make him suffer. Relax I am still a believer in Him but I am more angry with him then ever but I am more horrified that he will do something worse off. I mean he is a terrible comedian cursing me. But my question is this, is God so angry with me that He has to give me all these plagues. What did I ever do to Him?

Ok I am going to look for stuff to see what I can bid on E-bay and then see what I can do.

a movie review of The Terminal and other things I did today

Well Cable is Out and Well nothing exciting has happend. I did have a busy day today. I watched two movies. While writing the first post I saw Superman IV which I loved and I saw the Terminal, which was a great film but was awfully long though. The only problem I had with the film was that Tom Hanks had a terrible accent he sounded so much like Balki from Perfect Strangers and it sounded so corny it was hard to understand what he was saying. Stanley Tucci playing the INS head was awesome he does play a great role as the key buracratic dickhead who can't allow Hanks into the country. Catherine Zeta Jones was amazingly beautiful as the flight attendant who falls in love with the quirky guy living in the airport. What surprised me more was that she pulled off sounding so American even though she is from Wales. The minor characters like the food service guy and baggage handler and janitor were halarious people each playe there role well done but sometimes there story was a little too done for there own good. the Food Service guy needed Hanks to play Cyrano to attract the Customs woman that he has a crush on. Later on they get married. Which I never understood. They just met for a few seconds and then they get married.

Stanley Tucci role as the head of the INS is what making sure that everything Tom Ridge is talking about protecting in Homeland Security.

But all in all the movie was excellent. I found the film to be **** out ***** four out of five
because it was it was too long.

Well aside from watching the Terminal, I took a nap and slept for an hour and a half. I was so tired and infact I plan on sleeping once I finish writing this. I did what I was setting out to do. I did do most of the things I planned but I did do some research but I spent most of the day relaxing watching tv with mom. Or napping in my bed.I think I love my bed when its nicely made and nicely folded rather than in a big pile. I guess I will fix that by making my bed every day. Maxine is sleeping on the couch again and mom is reading in her room and dad is reading and his. So I should be doing something productive but I am keeping myself entertained by writing.
I ate too much dinner and I feel sick, like I am going to throw up but I am also feeling like I am going to explode. Either way its not a good feeling. I am going to lie down and relax maybe I will close my eyes and dream. Tommorow is going to be a busy day but I hope to stay asleep for another few hours. I am dead tired right now My body is telling me I should go to sleep.

Mother's Day A Day To Take Action

I had a wonderful dinner with the family, and well I am watching Superman IV. Though the film is a cheesey film and totally an 80s with Jon Cryer film its still rocks. I love Superman and I have said it again that I plan on camping out for its release date for Superman Returns next year. I know that a lot of those nerds do that for Star Wars, I mean I could order the tickets online which I am going to ask dad if I can use his credit card to do to but I figure it will still rock if I can do that but it will still be awesome to watch the movie. I am still a big ass fan of the man in tights.

I have always been a fan of Superman since I was 5. I think Superman and I have a lot of things in common, we both have secrets that we can't really share with people for the fear that people don't really explain them or we would be made fun of or that people would laugh at or be hurt.

Also, we have our honesty to protect, plus I have the Clarkness inside of me that I am so nice to everyone that I am such a nerd that everyone doesn't know what to get from. I see myself more of a Clark like Jillian told me. I am such a bizarre person that no one knows if I am the real deal or not. I am ackward and strange but I am smart and aware of my surroundings but I have this secret that I am afraid to share my true emotions to the world.
I hope that I don't hurt anyone by letting them know my true feelings to anybody. That is why I never allowed people to know about my illnesses and I bullshitted people. Its all a psyschological. If I told them the truth, they would labled me a freak or treated me like I was a nut job, but if I hid the truth from them they would see me as just a mild mannered person. Either way I am happy being labled normal. I guess being me, is hard. I hate that I am torn to tell people who the real me is. I mean the human side is telling me tell the truth that I am mentally ill that I have a hard time tellling what is real and whats is a delusion. I guess writing about it is easier. I guess thats what life is about with my condition. Thinking about! Struggling about life is hard. I fear I have lost all my friends if I simply tell the truth to them.

I am planning on working today and piecing it all together and working on a way to explaining it to all my mind to make logical sense of it. I have to figure it out. I have a problem. I have to solve it and I have to right the wrongs. So I don't do them again. I think Jillian, could help me out with that, first be honest with her and tell her how I feel. Tell Vivian tommorow I have to see her immediately so I don't go off the deep end. I need someone to talk to. Get a reality check! Solve my issues. Snap out of this fantasy world I've created and try to focus on to reality. Focus on real things do things that are real.

OK, today I am i am planning on doing things like working on this blog. Thats real! I am going to e-mail Silivia, thats real. I am going to talk things over with myself, thats real. I am going to work things over. I am going to see some pics that someone scanned and retouched them and put them on this blog thats real.

So far, I feel better now I am going to take a deep breath and begin. OK :-) I am going to talk with dad.

I am Tired

I am so tired,
I had a pretty busy day today. I woke up at 6:45 am and I didn't felt like I could move but I did and well I started my day at 10. I did my laundry and vaccumed the floors. After I vaccumed I started cleaning the whole house and boy that was a lot of work. I am sleepy. I haven't felt this sleepy but a good tired. I watched the Kentucky Derby and Giacomo won, I never knew that a long shot and if I was pulling for a horse I would of pulled for that horse cause it had a cool name. I am so sore and from all that work I did today.
My reward for the hard work is dinner at Ruths Chris Steak House. Also tommorow is Mothers Day and I did all this work for mom so she didn't have to work to keep the house clean. I worked hard in keeping it clean

Well, I am going to write more later providing I don't fall asleep on my steak tonight.

love to write again.

I FEEL SO BLAH

WHAT A DAY!

What a day! I fear I am slipping back into Psychosis! Or at least that is what I am telling myself at this very moment. I am being aware of my surroundings, I caught myself aware that I pulled a few slip backs earlier but I didn't know that I did that but I am doing them again and again. My head is killing me and yet I am doing them. I told Gardner and the Managers the truth today and hopefully they understand and that they don't fire me. I am scared. I know what I did was wrong and well I am ashamed I did it but I know I would possibly do it again if I wasn't medicated right.

I guess I am back into psychosis fearing that I hurt myself in the long run. I will do some work tonight and read my book and figure out what I can do about it. I am tired and yet I am not sleepy. I am afraid to tell mom that I am going back into psychosis for she'll put me back in the hospital but I guess thats where I belong. I need a break from it all no more Valhalla for a while. I just need time to think and relax. Damn it A you really made me mad for thinking these thoughts. I shouldn't of worried about these things. I know its no big deal I could of simply told M the truth.

Wondering why I feel so confused, am I wrong to think this way. I know I shouldn't be angry with him but I am kind of pissed off that I tried to right the wrongs I've created. I'll call for an appointment with Vivian on Monday. I am scared! I am getting to worked up for nothing, maybe they will just think of it as nothing or maybe they will kick me out of campus. Oh well! Life goes right! Tonight I am going to Target with mom! woohoo! I guess thats where my excitement is going to take me.

Well, my mind is a blank right now I don't know what to think any more I feel sad and I feel confused I just wish I knew what to feel. Well I am going to relax and watch some good tv.