What a boring Sunday this truly has been. I finished cleaning the house and taking a shower. So I am bored. There really is nothing on t.v. and I am to tired to really watch something. Well I am doing ok, I had a great night last night. I hung out with Warren and Kevin. The night was pretty fun, but they seemed like they were always tired after a few hours of getting there. I am so tired right now and my muscles are aching me. I am trying to tell myself to relax and not feel the pain that is wrapping me up.
I am glad that I went out last night , I thought I would be bored out of my mind and well I am stuck at home again on a boring Sunday afternoon. I could of gone to the grocery store but I would feel really sore just walking out. So I am going to wait. Well, last night A Beautiful Mind was on t.v. and I began to think of John Nash. That guy is truely a great guy and a hero to many people. John Nash maybe schizophrenic but he has learned to battle his demons and win the Nobel Prize in Economics.
He is truely a great person to look up to. I am tired and I am feeling really sleepy so I may just take a nap and wake up feeling less sore.
Well I have been really busy and I haven't had time to write much on the blog. I have plenty of great pictures of my trip that I will scan once I have my modem working again. Weather outside is hot and really awful. I wish I could enjoy the sun but I feel like the heat is preventing me from doing anything about it. I wish I could live in a colder or a sun free enviroment.
This week, I am planning on writing more on my new book I am meeting Nancy tommorow to talk with her about my problems. I am excited but at the same time I am doubtful anything will happen.
Well I am still trying to piece myself together and keep myself from going crazy but its hard for me.
I haven't seen Amy yet since I arrived back and I only spoke with her once on the phone. I am wondering what is going on with her. Its not like I am angry with her. I just want to know whats up with her. I am wondering if she even knew that I called last night. I did get home around 10 :30 and I started as if I couldn't sleep. I am thinking now that I can sleep I will sleep for at least 7 hours a night to get my body back into the same rhythm I did when I was in Kingsbury.
Meditation has been slowly taking its set backs I am trying harder but I feel like I am overly distracted by the smallest thing. I am trying to figure out what can I do to fix it. I am wondering maybe I should do it in my room. Its clean and it can be very peaceful. So my next meditation will be this evening before going to bed and I will try to do it without the constant interuptions that are plaguing my mind.
I am doing good mentally but physically I feel worse then before. I am having more cramps and pains and I feel really sick.
Whatelse. I am going to go out later today with my family to have a pitcher. I can't wait and want to show them my new meditation tools. Maybe if I go out with them I will feel less bored and less pain. (WHO KNOWS)
I am going to write more later but for now I am going to take a cat nap.
meow.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Friday, August 19, 2005
It has been a while.
Well I started this post a while back when I had to deal with the country house and now that I finally have a chance in writing on this blog a lot of things have happend. It has been a while but I decided to write something. Well I am starting to write a few things that I had a great deal to talk about. I am writing that I have internet access for a short period of time. I do know that writing has made me more aware of my surroundings and that I am stuck without internet due to a lack of modem. I am borrowing the modem from the free service I got from mom and dad and well I am enjoying the free time on this modem.
Well I was thinking of writing about my meditation which I had a hard time writing about because I was rarely doing it. Until today, when I resumed doing it. I wanted to spend time with Amy this week and it seems like she is always busy and I am stuck by myself. I feel really depressed that I can't spend time with her.
This weekend is supposed to be fun, but I just don't know what I going to do. I thought maybe if I hung out with Bjorn this weekend I would be unbored. But of course he is sick and Michael doesn't answer my calls. I am trying to figure out what can I do. I hate that I get to stuck being home. If I was stuck in a home I would be bored and really depressed. If I stayed at home it would be cheaper then going out. So its a win lose situation.
I finished watching Bring It On Again, the sequel to the Kirsten Dunst Eliza Dushku film that really isn't a sequel and was well so- so as a film. The only reason it was labled a sequel was that it had a cheerleading theme. Trust me, the only good reason the film was made was to cash on the popularity of Cheerleaders and film. The film was stupid but had a really sexy cast as cheerleaders and the renegade cheerleading team. My favorite character of Bring It On Again was the drama queen who was always depressed named Penolope. She was a cute redhead and the movie was well terrible. I thought Bring It On (the first one was bad) but it had Eliza so I had to give it some good marks. I love Eliza Dushku she looks a hell of a lot like Shan so I am always stunned when I see her. Eliza Dushku seems like a normal hot chick who wouldn't mind being with a writer thats me. I am just joking Alan if you are reading this blog again. that Eliza Dushku would go out with a schmoe like me. Its just a thought.
I am to write more another day.
Well I was thinking of writing about my meditation which I had a hard time writing about because I was rarely doing it. Until today, when I resumed doing it. I wanted to spend time with Amy this week and it seems like she is always busy and I am stuck by myself. I feel really depressed that I can't spend time with her.
This weekend is supposed to be fun, but I just don't know what I going to do. I thought maybe if I hung out with Bjorn this weekend I would be unbored. But of course he is sick and Michael doesn't answer my calls. I am trying to figure out what can I do. I hate that I get to stuck being home. If I was stuck in a home I would be bored and really depressed. If I stayed at home it would be cheaper then going out. So its a win lose situation.
I finished watching Bring It On Again, the sequel to the Kirsten Dunst Eliza Dushku film that really isn't a sequel and was well so- so as a film. The only reason it was labled a sequel was that it had a cheerleading theme. Trust me, the only good reason the film was made was to cash on the popularity of Cheerleaders and film. The film was stupid but had a really sexy cast as cheerleaders and the renegade cheerleading team. My favorite character of Bring It On Again was the drama queen who was always depressed named Penolope. She was a cute redhead and the movie was well terrible. I thought Bring It On (the first one was bad) but it had Eliza so I had to give it some good marks. I love Eliza Dushku she looks a hell of a lot like Shan so I am always stunned when I see her. Eliza Dushku seems like a normal hot chick who wouldn't mind being with a writer thats me. I am just joking Alan if you are reading this blog again. that Eliza Dushku would go out with a schmoe like me. Its just a thought.
I am to write more another day.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
My Thoughts.
Hey readers
yesterday was my 25th birthday. It was a great birthday and I didn`t know how exciting it would be. I drove from Kingsbury back to Montreal. On my birthday I met Mary-Claire Blais and we discussed my book. She seemed really happy to hear what I have done to improve the quality of the book. She also discussed my poetry and she was saying she would like a copy of at least 15 pages of my poems and that she would pass them to a poet friend who does poetry in New York and he hosts a poetry r I ead in the city. That to me sounds exciting and would love to do it. First of all I would need the money to afford such a trip. Once I have the money. I h ave been excited that I can do poetry reading at a real poetry place rather than at Helios. My thoughts are filled with joy and excitement. Well I have been working harder to see what I can do to enjoy my stay while in Montreal.
I am heading back to Houston tomorrow an d I am excited. I miss my bed and my home. I miss especially mom and dad. They probably miss me too. The weather I am not really going to enjoy. I am stuck with the heat and I am worried I will get sick and possibly be to weak to anything. That is what I loved about the country, the weather was never so hot I would die.
Well since being back in Montreal I have been sweating and feeling really icky. I just don`t want to do that while I am back in Houston. I felt earlier that I was going to have a heart attack cause of the silly humidity. I am going to miss my quiet meditations on the Meditation Rock and the peacefulness of the river in Montreal. I am hopefully going to find a peaceful solution to my meditation once I am back in H-town. I am pretty excited of heading back home finally. I can have my answers of some of the things I wanted to know. I can finally feel the hugs of my parents. I can enjoy the quality time I have with them. I can tell them how much I missed them. I can finally be comforted by my bed.
I can continue to frequent my blog once I am home. Well I will write more about my trip once I am back.
yesterday was my 25th birthday. It was a great birthday and I didn`t know how exciting it would be. I drove from Kingsbury back to Montreal. On my birthday I met Mary-Claire Blais and we discussed my book. She seemed really happy to hear what I have done to improve the quality of the book. She also discussed my poetry and she was saying she would like a copy of at least 15 pages of my poems and that she would pass them to a poet friend who does poetry in New York and he hosts a poetry r I ead in the city. That to me sounds exciting and would love to do it. First of all I would need the money to afford such a trip. Once I have the money. I h ave been excited that I can do poetry reading at a real poetry place rather than at Helios. My thoughts are filled with joy and excitement. Well I have been working harder to see what I can do to enjoy my stay while in Montreal.
I am heading back to Houston tomorrow an d I am excited. I miss my bed and my home. I miss especially mom and dad. They probably miss me too. The weather I am not really going to enjoy. I am stuck with the heat and I am worried I will get sick and possibly be to weak to anything. That is what I loved about the country, the weather was never so hot I would die.
Well since being back in Montreal I have been sweating and feeling really icky. I just don`t want to do that while I am back in Houston. I felt earlier that I was going to have a heart attack cause of the silly humidity. I am going to miss my quiet meditations on the Meditation Rock and the peacefulness of the river in Montreal. I am hopefully going to find a peaceful solution to my meditation once I am back in H-town. I am pretty excited of heading back home finally. I can have my answers of some of the things I wanted to know. I can finally feel the hugs of my parents. I can enjoy the quality time I have with them. I can tell them how much I missed them. I can finally be comforted by my bed.
I can continue to frequent my blog once I am home. Well I will write more about my trip once I am back.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Hey I know again its been a while
Hey readers of the François Collins Blog and those who are wondering what is going on with me. Well I have been well without the internet and without time to really get to the basics of writing. I have been working on a trying to write and other things while I am in the country. I have been busy meditating and reading. Really. A few things have been really good to work with. On the subject with my book. Well on my birthday (this Tuesday) I am meeting Marie-Claire Blais to talk about my book and give her my pitch. I am in a way really nervous so I haven't really thought I could do it.
I am enjoying the countryside but at times it gets really boring just not doing anything without the internet. I have my own computer to write things but I think its better to post things here. Well I am enjoying Montreal, but I am also getting the stranger feeling that both me and my grandmother are getting old. She had to sit on every bench we saw and she was so frequently out of breathe, so was I after the last 4 benches.
I went to see a concert, at the park near her and boy did I feel like young it was full of geratrics. I never felt so bored at the concert. But I went cause my grandmother thought it would be a pleasure. The music, was in French, which I didn't have a problem understanding but I just thought the music was even terrible. I liked classic songs and music like Nat King Cole or Duke Ellington, but this was before there time. I do like some classic french songs from Edith Piaf and Fernandel and Jacques Brell but this was just crap. I told my grandmother I really felt out of place being so young and she even told me this was before her own time. So that says a lot for a woman who is 78.
While I was also in Montreal, 2 weeks ago I went to the Gay Pride Festival. That was pretty fun and all the gay guys looked like Malcolm. Tall with bald heads and with canes. The young gays were all like uptight preppy boys. It was just funny. I did feel out of my element, being straight, but I did enjoy seeing the hot lesbian women who were my age not the butch types who were mom's age. While at the festival, I did get an endless supply of condoms. Which of course, made me feel as if I was back in Ottawa and the Condom Fairy. (long story) but will tell it when I am back in Houston. But I have a lot of condoms one for every season as I told my own grandmother. She even laughed at the terrible joke. I was shocked.
I realized my grandmother and I have a lot of things in common, both of us feel like we are out of our own elements and that we sometimes don't get why people think this way or that way. My grandmother has really become an allies and she is a real friend for treating me as an equal, at times though she does have to give that motherly precaucion stuff that mom doesn't really do but tries to. She did sow my army jacket the patches I bought , so that was cool Now I can wear the jacket with my patches and look sharp. She also bought me my CanAm Pin that I was so looking for. So it looks cool on my jacket. The only downside of my grandmother is that she has slowly become slower in doing things and she won't change things. I guess I am kind of like that.
While I am spending the last two days with her I am going to make them best for her. So she will be happy to see me when she goes to Houston in November.
I am enjoying the countryside of Kingsbury. The mountains and the fresh clean air has really brighten my spirits and made me heavily enjoy the beauty of things. I do like that I am treated as a normal person and that I am not a member of the family but as a guest. The countryside and my rock where I have done my meditations has really been great. I find the weather at times unbelievably hot and the house has no Air Conditioning so I am stuck sweating like a pig. So I cool off in my room that has an electric fan and just plop on my comfy bed. I tend to sleep until 7 am by the time the sun hits the sheets its like oops I gotta get up. That is perfect for me, cause I need to get to the habit of getting up early so I can practice my meditation when I am in Houston before the humidity hits. The meditation I know this sounds stupid but it really works. I haven't had many achy muscles and I do feel more refreshed. Its not really a meditation but more of a dialogue with nature. I do this every morning and if I didn't do it in the morning I do it in the afternoon after I eat my lunch. The best part of my morning meditation is that I am totally at peace and though sometimes the flies drive me crazy with them buzzing all around me, I do close my eyes and try to relax. Its a simple thing I learned while reading the Dharma Bums.
I think I am becoming more spiritual while I have been here so I think that will surprise my parents when they see me. I won't be chanting around airports or going to be an extremist but more of an alert spirit and human. My head really does do wonders when I allow my mind to wonder. I still take a lot of medication but I am slowly learning that meditation has helped.
The downsides of being in the country is that I am usually bored and I get tired if I work to hard. I get this feeling that I am attached to something then ten minutes later I feel like boy that was boring. I tend to feel this way for a long time. The countryside is peaceful and the people I am staying with Therese and Stephane are really cool with me and they allow me to do my meditation without interupting them. I also have tried to help in what I could. Though I am enjoying my stay its kind of boring with there is no t.v. and listening to the same radio station everyday. I tend to realize yup I am in the country and I need to stretch.
I have been working on my project that I started but never finished when I was in Houston. My script. I spent half of yesterday writing at least 20 pages of script. Its pretty good and I am going to continue on Monday but today I am taking a break. Its the weekend, even though everyday seemed to be a weekend.
But today we are supposed to go the city of Sherbrooke which is supposed to be fun but I have a feeling I am going to be following them where ever they go and be stuck with an invisible kiddie leash. I want to explore the city myself and see what they have to offer.
Well I am going to take a break. I'll write more later.
I am enjoying the countryside but at times it gets really boring just not doing anything without the internet. I have my own computer to write things but I think its better to post things here. Well I am enjoying Montreal, but I am also getting the stranger feeling that both me and my grandmother are getting old. She had to sit on every bench we saw and she was so frequently out of breathe, so was I after the last 4 benches.
I went to see a concert, at the park near her and boy did I feel like young it was full of geratrics. I never felt so bored at the concert. But I went cause my grandmother thought it would be a pleasure. The music, was in French, which I didn't have a problem understanding but I just thought the music was even terrible. I liked classic songs and music like Nat King Cole or Duke Ellington, but this was before there time. I do like some classic french songs from Edith Piaf and Fernandel and Jacques Brell but this was just crap. I told my grandmother I really felt out of place being so young and she even told me this was before her own time. So that says a lot for a woman who is 78.
While I was also in Montreal, 2 weeks ago I went to the Gay Pride Festival. That was pretty fun and all the gay guys looked like Malcolm. Tall with bald heads and with canes. The young gays were all like uptight preppy boys. It was just funny. I did feel out of my element, being straight, but I did enjoy seeing the hot lesbian women who were my age not the butch types who were mom's age. While at the festival, I did get an endless supply of condoms. Which of course, made me feel as if I was back in Ottawa and the Condom Fairy. (long story) but will tell it when I am back in Houston. But I have a lot of condoms one for every season as I told my own grandmother. She even laughed at the terrible joke. I was shocked.
I realized my grandmother and I have a lot of things in common, both of us feel like we are out of our own elements and that we sometimes don't get why people think this way or that way. My grandmother has really become an allies and she is a real friend for treating me as an equal, at times though she does have to give that motherly precaucion stuff that mom doesn't really do but tries to. She did sow my army jacket the patches I bought , so that was cool Now I can wear the jacket with my patches and look sharp. She also bought me my CanAm Pin that I was so looking for. So it looks cool on my jacket. The only downside of my grandmother is that she has slowly become slower in doing things and she won't change things. I guess I am kind of like that.
While I am spending the last two days with her I am going to make them best for her. So she will be happy to see me when she goes to Houston in November.
I am enjoying the countryside of Kingsbury. The mountains and the fresh clean air has really brighten my spirits and made me heavily enjoy the beauty of things. I do like that I am treated as a normal person and that I am not a member of the family but as a guest. The countryside and my rock where I have done my meditations has really been great. I find the weather at times unbelievably hot and the house has no Air Conditioning so I am stuck sweating like a pig. So I cool off in my room that has an electric fan and just plop on my comfy bed. I tend to sleep until 7 am by the time the sun hits the sheets its like oops I gotta get up. That is perfect for me, cause I need to get to the habit of getting up early so I can practice my meditation when I am in Houston before the humidity hits. The meditation I know this sounds stupid but it really works. I haven't had many achy muscles and I do feel more refreshed. Its not really a meditation but more of a dialogue with nature. I do this every morning and if I didn't do it in the morning I do it in the afternoon after I eat my lunch. The best part of my morning meditation is that I am totally at peace and though sometimes the flies drive me crazy with them buzzing all around me, I do close my eyes and try to relax. Its a simple thing I learned while reading the Dharma Bums.
I think I am becoming more spiritual while I have been here so I think that will surprise my parents when they see me. I won't be chanting around airports or going to be an extremist but more of an alert spirit and human. My head really does do wonders when I allow my mind to wonder. I still take a lot of medication but I am slowly learning that meditation has helped.
The downsides of being in the country is that I am usually bored and I get tired if I work to hard. I get this feeling that I am attached to something then ten minutes later I feel like boy that was boring. I tend to feel this way for a long time. The countryside is peaceful and the people I am staying with Therese and Stephane are really cool with me and they allow me to do my meditation without interupting them. I also have tried to help in what I could. Though I am enjoying my stay its kind of boring with there is no t.v. and listening to the same radio station everyday. I tend to realize yup I am in the country and I need to stretch.
I have been working on my project that I started but never finished when I was in Houston. My script. I spent half of yesterday writing at least 20 pages of script. Its pretty good and I am going to continue on Monday but today I am taking a break. Its the weekend, even though everyday seemed to be a weekend.
But today we are supposed to go the city of Sherbrooke which is supposed to be fun but I have a feeling I am going to be following them where ever they go and be stuck with an invisible kiddie leash. I want to explore the city myself and see what they have to offer.
Well I am going to take a break. I'll write more later.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
A LONG TIME SINCE I LAST POSTED
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Hello you people.
Well I know first off I am sorry for not written in nearly a month or so but a lot of things have been happening and well I haven`t had the time to write. Plus I haven`t had the internet either so I have been deprived from writing. Well a lot of things have happend since I last wrote. Wefll for starters I am back in Canada after a few weeks of being stuck in the heat of Houston. A few things have happend, I have been so busy that I totally lost track of time and everything else. I have been staying at both my uncle`s and in the countryside of Quebec. The country is a total pleasure and the weather though has been hot.
I have also become more focus on my faith in Buddhism. So I am totally stuck in the paradime of being secluded from the world and being without the internet.
A few things that are going well and I have been extremely busy thinking of ways to explain I am sorry for not written in ages. While I am here in Canada, I am meeting Marie-Claire Blais, to discuss my book and whether or not it will be published. I am pretty excited but also nervous. Well I am doing ok mentally and have developed more of a spiritualistic attitude after reading Kerouac`s book The Dharma Bums.
The book I read for a few days opened my eyes to the world around me and I have slowly become aware of my surroundings. The book has also helped me understand more of my Buddhist faith. So I can say that I enjoyed the book. I also finished reading a book about Albert Camus and Jean-Paul Satre, the book though was a bit bias on Satre`s part it also was a good discussion to have with both my parents.
I also began reading a book about TM (TRANSISTANTIONAL MEDITATION) which was good but I already learned most of the tricks to TM and I didn`t really need another explinational book. I thought the book would help spiritualy but it was pretty boring. I thought if I learned TM and SCI (Science of Creative Intelligence) I could practice what I learned and teach others, but it was so boring I decided to change my mind.
But anyway, back to my Buddhism, I have a mini Buddha that I got in Chinatown Montréal and I love it. It helps me conscientrate on myself and my spiritual conscious. I can`t wait to tell my mom that I have become more aware of the Spiritualistic of life and that I am not as stressed as I was do to meditation and solidarity in the countryside. Being a Buddhist Catholic does make more sense now then it did before.
Well, I am hoping I still remain this positive when I return back to Houston. My birthday is coming up and I can`t wait. I still don`t know what I am going to do. It is going to be a big one this year 25. I am no longer a baby and yet now I am totally defined as an adult. So that is keeping me from getting angry. I am excited about my up coming birthday and yet I am also wondering what I am going to do.
I am also coming back to Montréal on Friday and stay with my grandmother which will be fun. I am planning on returning back to Chinatown and find some other things to embrace the Eastern Culture. Boy am I excited. Since doing meditation, my body has less pains then before and with the heat I am still skeptical of going outside.
I hope to enjoy my time sitting and thinking. I am going to try to practice the mantra on the flight back.
Well, anyway, I am going to shower now and hopefully I`ll feel cleaner and then I`ll walk to Chinatown and see how much insense sticks are. So I can get them next week.
Once again I am sorry for not written in a while but that will explained all.
Hello you people.
Well I know first off I am sorry for not written in nearly a month or so but a lot of things have been happening and well I haven`t had the time to write. Plus I haven`t had the internet either so I have been deprived from writing. Well a lot of things have happend since I last wrote. Wefll for starters I am back in Canada after a few weeks of being stuck in the heat of Houston. A few things have happend, I have been so busy that I totally lost track of time and everything else. I have been staying at both my uncle`s and in the countryside of Quebec. The country is a total pleasure and the weather though has been hot.
I have also become more focus on my faith in Buddhism. So I am totally stuck in the paradime of being secluded from the world and being without the internet.
A few things that are going well and I have been extremely busy thinking of ways to explain I am sorry for not written in ages. While I am here in Canada, I am meeting Marie-Claire Blais, to discuss my book and whether or not it will be published. I am pretty excited but also nervous. Well I am doing ok mentally and have developed more of a spiritualistic attitude after reading Kerouac`s book The Dharma Bums.
The book I read for a few days opened my eyes to the world around me and I have slowly become aware of my surroundings. The book has also helped me understand more of my Buddhist faith. So I can say that I enjoyed the book. I also finished reading a book about Albert Camus and Jean-Paul Satre, the book though was a bit bias on Satre`s part it also was a good discussion to have with both my parents.
I also began reading a book about TM (TRANSISTANTIONAL MEDITATION) which was good but I already learned most of the tricks to TM and I didn`t really need another explinational book. I thought the book would help spiritualy but it was pretty boring. I thought if I learned TM and SCI (Science of Creative Intelligence) I could practice what I learned and teach others, but it was so boring I decided to change my mind.
But anyway, back to my Buddhism, I have a mini Buddha that I got in Chinatown Montréal and I love it. It helps me conscientrate on myself and my spiritual conscious. I can`t wait to tell my mom that I have become more aware of the Spiritualistic of life and that I am not as stressed as I was do to meditation and solidarity in the countryside. Being a Buddhist Catholic does make more sense now then it did before.
Well, I am hoping I still remain this positive when I return back to Houston. My birthday is coming up and I can`t wait. I still don`t know what I am going to do. It is going to be a big one this year 25. I am no longer a baby and yet now I am totally defined as an adult. So that is keeping me from getting angry. I am excited about my up coming birthday and yet I am also wondering what I am going to do.
I am also coming back to Montréal on Friday and stay with my grandmother which will be fun. I am planning on returning back to Chinatown and find some other things to embrace the Eastern Culture. Boy am I excited. Since doing meditation, my body has less pains then before and with the heat I am still skeptical of going outside.
I hope to enjoy my time sitting and thinking. I am going to try to practice the mantra on the flight back.
Well, anyway, I am going to shower now and hopefully I`ll feel cleaner and then I`ll walk to Chinatown and see how much insense sticks are. So I can get them next week.
Once again I am sorry for not written in a while but that will explained all.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
What a day!
Boy I can't believe its only 3:55 and I feel like I haven't accomplished one goal in my things I wanted to do today. I know I should just relax but its kind of freaky that I haven't done much lately. Things are pretty well done for today. I am a bit sleepy but I am not tired so I don't want to nap. The weather outside is again hot so that sucks. Mom and Dad left to go to the store and I didn't really want to go. So of course I chose to stay home and well think. To think I have nothing really important matters to think about just have to fix things around the house and clean the bathroom again. Sure small stuff like that but heck I can do it later.
This is a really boring Saturday. I can't get a hold of anybody. I feel like I am going to spend again more time with my family then need be. Which can be both a positive by that I can enjoy a free home cooked meal and spending it talking with my family about stuff. But a negative side, I am stuck at home again on a Saturday. Damn I hate being bored.
Well, my batteries are running low on my lap top so its always kind of dark typing. Last night I spent it at home, which was fun and relaxing but some days I just feel like I should go out on my own and have fun without worrying so much. I am going to talk it over with my parents to see if I can go out tonight on my own after dinner. I know my mom will say they'll take me, but I want to be able to think clearly and be on my own just once.
Well I am heading to Montreal in a few days and I can't wait. I am going to relax and enjoy the time I am there. I am tired of Houston and its becoming boring. I wonder what I am going to do there. I think I am going to read and write. Hmm! I hate that I feel so weak in the heat. I wish I knew where the hell Bjorn was so I can take him to Sliders. I may try to convince my parents to take me to Brian Oneils or Gingerman. Just I need time to think on my own.
A lot is on my mind and I want to relax and try to take things easy. Slowly. Hmm! I guess I should be happy that I am at home now but what am I going to do for the rest of my life. It sucks. I hate being stuck at home always on a Saturday night. I should go out and meet people. I wish I could drive, oh well.
Enough of me ranting. I am going to take it easy for now and see if the darkness of my computer is caused by a low battery if so I am going to turn off my computer and start again later on. Since I know that I'll be stuck at home again tonight.
addium in the last few minutes I found out what caused the sudden low dimlight apparently i placed it on low last night without me knowing I did so that clears things up now I can type.
This is a really boring Saturday. I can't get a hold of anybody. I feel like I am going to spend again more time with my family then need be. Which can be both a positive by that I can enjoy a free home cooked meal and spending it talking with my family about stuff. But a negative side, I am stuck at home again on a Saturday. Damn I hate being bored.
Well, my batteries are running low on my lap top so its always kind of dark typing. Last night I spent it at home, which was fun and relaxing but some days I just feel like I should go out on my own and have fun without worrying so much. I am going to talk it over with my parents to see if I can go out tonight on my own after dinner. I know my mom will say they'll take me, but I want to be able to think clearly and be on my own just once.
Well I am heading to Montreal in a few days and I can't wait. I am going to relax and enjoy the time I am there. I am tired of Houston and its becoming boring. I wonder what I am going to do there. I think I am going to read and write. Hmm! I hate that I feel so weak in the heat. I wish I knew where the hell Bjorn was so I can take him to Sliders. I may try to convince my parents to take me to Brian Oneils or Gingerman. Just I need time to think on my own.
A lot is on my mind and I want to relax and try to take things easy. Slowly. Hmm! I guess I should be happy that I am at home now but what am I going to do for the rest of my life. It sucks. I hate being stuck at home always on a Saturday night. I should go out and meet people. I wish I could drive, oh well.
Enough of me ranting. I am going to take it easy for now and see if the darkness of my computer is caused by a low battery if so I am going to turn off my computer and start again later on. Since I know that I'll be stuck at home again tonight.
addium in the last few minutes I found out what caused the sudden low dimlight apparently i placed it on low last night without me knowing I did so that clears things up now I can type.
Friday, July 01, 2005
This is has been a truly boring day
The weather was hot and humid and I couldn't do much because it was to painful to even go outside. The weather got to the point I nearly passed out heading to Big Lots today. My head hurts and I am tired. I didn't do much because of the weather. I did spend most of the day at home cleaning and relaxing something I should of done a while back but I couldn't do it because my brain was so full of stuff.
I had a terrible feeling of being sick and was supposed to go out tonight but I felt like throwing up after I got home from dinner. I am tired and my muscles are aching me. Boy am I tired I am trying to sleep but my eyes are still awake. The weather isn't helping me.
Oh ya today is Canada day so I thought I decorate the setting with a nifty picture of the Red Maple Leaves. Happy Canada you hosers. Also in sad note Amy and I broke up yesterday night we are still friends but the break up kind of made my day weirder. Hope that this brightens those who miss pretty foilage.
So I thought I write a lot today but I just didn' feel like writing much cause I am so tired.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
This is my poet friend Matthew James and a really hot chick who was really tall for him
Matthew and some tall blonde. I mean she is 6'3
The Late Malcolm Lentz 1949-2004
When I was a young poet, a few years ago I had a mentor. His name was Malcolm. He was a nice guy he died a year ago and I miss him a lot. Malcolm was a great source of helping me writing and his memory will always be something special. Spending time with Malcolm is something that I will share. Malcolm was a poet, a friend a great romantic of the arts. His death brought life in my age of cynical approach of everything. He helped me believe that any one who had a disease could over come with fighting back.
Browsing the web looking for my name
Its kind of cool, how many times you can search for my name Francois Collins is posted. Infact I found transcripts of an interview I did about Howard Stern. Here is the article.
Houston listeners will get a chance to hear for themselves Monday, when Stern's show debuts on KIKK-AM (650) during morning drive time. It will mark the first time Stern's show has aired in Houston. Sure, the veteran shock jock was yanked off six Clear Channel stations in February because of charges that his sexually explicit radio show was indecent.
He feels so besieged by the Federal Communications Commission's crackdown that he says he is thinking of moving his show to satellite radio, which is not regulated by the government. His Web site keeps a running tally of the months, days, hours, minutes and seconds remaining in his contract with Infinity Broadcasting (it's about 18 months and counting).
But the brouhaha may be the best thing that's happened to the self-proclaimed "King of All Media" in a long time. His ratings in most major cities are way up -- he is No. 1 among adults in Los Angeles for the first time in nearly 10 years, and No. 1 in New York, his home base, with his highest ratings in four years. He seems reinvigorated by his "free speech" crusade against the Bush administration, which he blames for instigating the FCC crackdown.
"The latest chapter in his career, in which he has become a political talk-show host, is one of its best chapters," said Michael Harrison, editor of Talkers magazine, the radio industry's leading journal.
"It's colorful, and it's interesting."
Houston listeners will get a chance to hear for themselves Monday, when Stern's show debuts on KIKK-AM (650) during morning drive time. It will mark the first time Stern's show has aired in Houston.
The station has dumped business news for a "hot talk" format with Stern as its centerpiece. He will appear from 6 to 11 a.m. weekdays on the station, which has dubbed itself "KIKK-A** Talk."
"It's exciting to give Houston another programming alternative," said Bill Van Rysdam, director of programming for KIKK and KILT-AM (610), both owned by Infinity Broadcasting.
"We understand that it's not everybody's tastes, but that's OK."
What can Houston listeners expect?
Edgy, abrasive humor, said Francois Collins, a 23-year-old Houston fan who got addicted to Stern's show when he lived near New Orleans.
"I like the fact that with all the political correctness in the world, he is the anti-PC," said Collins, who plans to tune in on Monday. "He's a teenager who has never grown up."
Collins said Stern is sometimes a turnoff, particularly when he makes fun of disabled or mentally challenged people. "I believe that's offensive, but I defend his right to freedom of expression," Collins said. "Everyone should be entitled to that."
Tyler Hiroms, a 25-year old receptionist who watches Stern on the E! Entertainment channel with her boyfriend, also is taken with the disc jockey's irreverent attitude.
"Sometimes I'm offended, but the majority of the time he's just funny," she said. "The fact that he doesn't really give a damn is pretty cool."
Houston is one of nine new markets for Stern's show, raising the total to 45. The nine include Orlando, Fla.; San Diego; Pittsburgh; and Rochester, N.Y., where Clear Channel recently gave him the boot.
In early June, Clear Channel agreed to a record $1.75 million settlement with the FCC to resolve indecency complaints against Stern and other personalities. Stern has fought back, joining Infinity Broadcasting, which syndicates his show, in a lawsuit against Clear Channel for lost licensing fees. He's launched an on-air crusade — he calls it a "jihad" — to defeat President Bush in the November presidential election.
Stern says the crackdown on his show is part of a broad attack on civil liberties by the administration, and he is rallying his listeners to vote for Democrat John Kerry.
During a news conference to announce the cities where his show will start airing, Stern noted that many of his estimated 8.5 million listeners live in "swing states," such as Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan and Florida, where they can influence the outcome of the election. "I see the Rush Limbaughs of the world, and I see the Sean Hannitys: They preach to the converted. I believe our audience is open-minded," Stern said.
Stern ranks third behind Limbaugh, with 14.5 million weekly listeners, and Hannity, with 12 million, according to Talkers. Unlike Limbaugh and Hannity listeners, who are predominantly conservative and Republican, Stern's are not wedded to a particular political party. A survey for the New Democratic Network found that 4 percent of the nation's swing voters -- those who haven't made up their minds and are open to persuasion -- listen to his show. "We call Howard the ‘king of the swing,' " said Simon Rosenberg, founder and president of the Washington-based advocacy group.
"According to our poll, one out of every six likely voters in America listens to him. In an election that last time was decided by 537 votes, that's a lot of people."
The New Democratic Network poll showed that compared to the general population, Stern listeners are more likely to be male (60 percent, vs. 48 percent of Americans) and younger (40 percent are between 18 and 34 years old, vs. 22 percent). But they parallel average voters in income, education, religion and marital status.
"They tend to look like America and share its values," said pollster William Mann.
Surprisingly, given Stern's often raunchy subject matter, his listeners were slightly more likely to call themselves born-again Christians than the average American. The Rev. Steve O'Donohoe, associate pastor of adult ministry at Grace Community Church, has trouble believing that statistic.
"I'm surprised a Christian would listen to him, knowing of all the profanity and innuendoes about sex," said O'Donohoe, who once worked as a disc jockey.
"According to the Scriptures, we love him. But I wish he would be different." Even with his newfound emphasis on politics, Stern has hardly forgotten the subject that has made his show so popular: a voyeuristic, sophomoric take on sex. He entices female guests to bare their breasts in the studio, obsesses about penis size and his sexual shortcomings, and discusses bedroom encounters with his girlfriend. (He and his wife, Alison, divorced three years ago after 21 years of marriage.)
For all his on-air bluster, Stern is surprisingly quiet once his show ends each day. He rarely does interviews (his agent declined a Chronicle request) and hardly ever appears in public. Photographs of him outside the studio are almost nonexistent.
During an interview with freelancer Prairie Miller in 1998 to promote his movie, Private Parts,Stern defended his radio style.
"I'm always amazed at how many people put me down for doing my kind of broadcasting, because they all scream that they want something different. But as soon as you do something different, people get nuts. They go, 'What are you doing? You can't do that.'
"Why can't you? Why not? If it's not for you, you turn it off, that's all."
Stern got started as a disc jockey at Boston University and worked in several cities before landing in New York in 1986, where his explicit brand of humor soon attracted a huge audience.
"I decided early on that since the media was getting so dull, I would say whatever was on my mind, even if it meant betrayals and charades with the management," he said. "Whether I was right or wrong, I didn't let that enter into it, the consequences be damned. I like that I show that side of my life."
There isn't much he won't talk about on the air, he admitted.
"I have always gone by the rule of thumb that if it's funny, talk about it. I wouldn't talk about something like someone burning up in a fire. But I wouldn't censor myself. I would examine everything and see if there was humor in it for me, and if there was, I would talk about it. If I start censoring those things, I don't have a show."
After almost 20 years in the business, however, Stern's act had grown stale. Before his recent run-ins with the FCC, his ratings had tapered off, and many wondered whether, at age 50, he was too old for such puerile shenanigans. Even his trademark physical features — shoulder-length black hair (with no sign of gray) and round-rimmed sunglasses — seemed dated.
An abbreviated version of the radio show appears nightly on E! It's the cable channel's highest-rated series, but the audience is minuscule compared to network television.
The late-night HowardStern Radio Show went up against Saturday Night Live a few years ago and failed miserably. It's been almost a decade since Stern has had a best-selling book (Miss America).
Private Parts, the movie based on his best-selling autobiography, was a modest success. A TV show he produced, Son of the Beach, flopped on the F/X channel.
Even so, he has retained a loyal audience for his radio show, which continues to attract top-notch celebrities. Tobey Maguire appeared on Stern's broadcast the day Spider-Man 2 premiered in theaters.
Yet success on Houston radio is not guaranteed. KIKK must change its sign-on time every few months because of an obscure federal regulation limiting it to daytime hours. For example, Stern will start at 6 a.m. in July and August and 6:30 a.m. in September.
His competitors are all on FM stations with stronger signals, longer hours and much higher ratings.
Stern's show does well in Dallas but flopped in Austin and New Orleans, where it was regularly beaten by Walton & Johnson. The duo is heard here weekday mornings on KLOL-FM (101.1).
"In spite of his tens of millions of dollars in free PR and his nationwide prime-time cable exposure nightly on E! TV, Stern continues to have a dismal record in the face of real competition," John Walton wrote the Chronicle in an e-mail message.
Stern has had a rocky relationship with Houston. After the murder of Tejano singer Selena in 1995, Stern provoked outrage by playing excerpts from her songs with gunshots added in the background. On the day of her funeral, he said: "Alvin and the Chipmunks have more soul ...Spanish people have the worst taste in music. They have no depth."
Houston radio personality Bo Corona called Stern to complain, and Stern instantly put him on the air. Their argument generated hundreds of calls to the station. Stern issued an apology in Spanish.
"He's got his own vibe, but to me his style is old," said Corona, now promotions director and weekend disc jockey at KHPT-FM (106.9).
"But if people like him, (they should) go for it. That's why we live in America. Everyone has a right to express themselves."
Talkers' Harrison is convinced Stern will continue to rule the radio roost.
"Stern is no fool. It's not like he's a wild man spouting indecencies," Harrison said. "He proved that Oprah, word for word, is as indecent as he is, if indecency exists at all." (Stern's Web site includes an analysis of an episode of an Oprah Winfrey show that contained graphic descriptions of various sex acts without a single bleep. Stern was fined by the FCC for using some of the same words.)
"I'm not political," Harrison said. "I just think Stern's show is great radio."
from RadioDailyNews.comJuly 16, 2004
"Houston Hawk" reports exclusively for RDN from the Bayou City
Howard Stern is coming to Houston. It's about time. If you are ready to watch one of the most classic uphill battles in radio history, I think it will unfold in Houston soon.
KIKK-AM 650 will debut a format they are describing as "Hot Talk" on Monday. Howard at the helm.
The AM dial here is pretty crowded. KPRC is talk, and right wing, they have Rush. KTRH is the closest thing to an all news format and is the flagship station for the Houston Astros. KILT-AM is sports, with Houston Texans football, as well as Rockets and Comets basketball. Then there is local conservative talker KSEV picking up the bits and pieces. Standards station KBME will get an honorable mention here, but the rest of the signals for the most part are religious, ethnic of the Asian or Middle Eastern variety or time brokered.
Enter KIKK-AM 650, a 250 watt daytime frequency licensed to Pasadena, south of Houston. The past few years they have enjoyed moderate success as a business radio station. According to industry types, it made money. Not much by Infinity standards, but for a quarter-kilowatter that broadcast from sunup to sundown, a reported million bucks a year is not bad at all.
It is a bold move to attempt this type of a format with those kind of odds. Will it work? Bet your bottom advertising dollar. I give Infinity credit for having the balls to do it, even though it was probably Howard himself that forced the company to clear him in markets like Houston where he has never had an outlet. Or, clearing him in other markets where his employer (Infinity) had stations where he may have occupied another frequency not owned by them. Namely, the Clear Channel markets that pulled the plug on him.
Howard is an acquired taste. Howard will shake things up. Howard will bring folks to the AM band, and Howard will make radio better for a lot of people. How? Are you a Houston GM or PD who receives a lot of complaints about racy comments, edgy material, offensive remarks or suggestive lyrics? You probably won't be getting those calls and e-mails anymore. Even those listeners will be tuning in (and complaining about) Howard.
I think that Howard will bring out the best in personalities in the Houston market. They will listen to him, see his success and determine that aspects of their own personal lives should also be a part of their shows. Howard is the master of this. Their listeners will become more intrigued and engaged by what they hear, and the station will benefit from increased audience and ratings-if their bosses have the guts to let them explore those uncharted waters. We'll have to wait and see on that one.
I am not hoping for a dial crammed with lesbian dating games and Bush bashing, but there are many things about Howard that Houston radio has been missing for a while.
The personality and sparkle that made this market such a desirable place to work or listen to just isn't here anymore. True, the demographics and ethnic makeup of the market have changed. There was deregulation. But it seems to me that the only real personality left on the radio, and the only battles really being waged are what we now hear on the ethnic or ethnic leaning stations. KRBE,KBXX,KMJQ,KLTN,KPTY to be specific. There are a lot more signals here than that.
No longer is the dial filled with vibrant personalities who made you dial in, even if the music they played was not to your taste, or the fact that they jammed in twice as many commercials as the competition. We wonder why audience erosion is at an all time high, it is because we aren't giving them much worth listening to. Howard will change that.
Howard will demonstrate in time that a heavy spot load, on a low power station (on the AM band) can get listeners. More in time than some of the successful FM's in the market. It will make money, it will get attention, it will get press, and it will generate a buzz around town. And whether you like his politics, his people, his patter or not, it is PERSONALITY that will make Howard, KIKK-AM 650, it's advertisers, Infinity, the broadcasting community, and most importantly Houston radio listeners, winners.
Why is that I always put my foot in my mouth
Some how I feel like I put my foot in my mouth. I hate that things are complicated with women. I try to do one thing and the next I screw it all up. My muscles ache my heart aches. I am confused. I wish I knew something without feeling so upset that women are just so frustrating. Its just driving me nuts. Feelings are so complexed. I put my foot in my mouth. If I say one thing I get yelled at if I do the right thing I get yelled at and if I do the wrong thing, I get yelled at. Its like I can't win.
God some days I hate being alive in this world. My stomach feels terrible and I feel terrible. Well, last night was pretty fun but I kind of felt guilty. I shouldn't of gone out with Andrew when I should of done something with Amy. Damn why couldn't women come with instructions. I just give up. I think I will be single if I don't find a woman who understands me or at least I understand.
Well that is just my opinion..
I am still dead tired and I am thinking I'll sleep for another hour if I don't wake up. I hate that my muscles are aching. God I wish I wasn't sick. I hate confusing and being sick. Its an even match. Well Wimbledon is on that usually boring but hell its better then nothing. Hey last night I decided to go to Sliders. I thought the place was awesome! A slight bit on the expensive side BUT ITS A GREAT BAR!. I think I should go there more often. Once a week or so. I think the bar is a lot better then the rat hole of Helios or Valhalla.
The bar reminds me of a nice bar with a great atmosphere which I can easily adapt myself into, I should slowly imerge myself into. Slowly blend myself into. I shouldn't dress gothy or preppy just dress casual. The bar seems hip and modern. I like the place. I think the next time I go, I would bring Bjorn. Or bring a sober Andrew. Its a place that seems home like for the clubish type. I like the place and I want to sample some of the daquiriis. So once I have a better control of my spending money I will go there.
So for a bar fly in Houston I give it a 5 out 5. Great Beats Great Beer and Terrific service. This was a great place that I never been to. I hope the next time I go it will still be the same. I am recommending this place to all my friends who are heavy in the club scene who want to chill and relax. The customer base seems like non punkish but has its pre party clubbers with the mix of those who want to go to clubs. They seem like normal people who are tired of the bars that are hyped up. So I am planning on going on the weekends. I am thinking of going on a Saturday with Bjorn. I will try to go a weekend I am back from Montreal and New Orleans. I want to listen to one of the DJs that they are have featured. It sounds like they are pretty well done and the bartender spends time talking with the patrons at the bar and respects the bar by making sure everything is stocked up. So Kudos to this bar. I hope it does well in the long run.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
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