I FEEL SO BLAH

WHAT A DAY!

What a day! I fear I am slipping back into Psychosis! Or at least that is what I am telling myself at this very moment. I am being aware of my surroundings, I caught myself aware that I pulled a few slip backs earlier but I didn't know that I did that but I am doing them again and again. My head is killing me and yet I am doing them. I told Gardner and the Managers the truth today and hopefully they understand and that they don't fire me. I am scared. I know what I did was wrong and well I am ashamed I did it but I know I would possibly do it again if I wasn't medicated right.

I guess I am back into psychosis fearing that I hurt myself in the long run. I will do some work tonight and read my book and figure out what I can do about it. I am tired and yet I am not sleepy. I am afraid to tell mom that I am going back into psychosis for she'll put me back in the hospital but I guess thats where I belong. I need a break from it all no more Valhalla for a while. I just need time to think and relax. Damn it A you really made me mad for thinking these thoughts. I shouldn't of worried about these things. I know its no big deal I could of simply told M the truth.

Wondering why I feel so confused, am I wrong to think this way. I know I shouldn't be angry with him but I am kind of pissed off that I tried to right the wrongs I've created. I'll call for an appointment with Vivian on Monday. I am scared! I am getting to worked up for nothing, maybe they will just think of it as nothing or maybe they will kick me out of campus. Oh well! Life goes right! Tonight I am going to Target with mom! woohoo! I guess thats where my excitement is going to take me.

Well, my mind is a blank right now I don't know what to think any more I feel sad and I feel confused I just wish I knew what to feel. Well I am going to relax and watch some good tv.