what a long time since I have written something. I have for once been feeling like I have done some of the stupid things in life and every time I feel like I have done something right I manage to take a dumb ass approach to things. I for one I have felt like things are finally back to normal. I have been working on my project and well the project has somewhat overwhelmed me. I am doing something rather than feeling awful about it. I have learned about human structure and behavoiral patterns. What makes things easy is that I am not the only one to feel this sudden burst of stupidity my own parents have too.
Last week, I was bombarded with media coverage of the Hurricane and I was feeling guilty that I wasn't doing anything to help. I felt that somewhat helpless and I needed to do something but what could I do without being sick. For one thing if I went to the Astrodome, I would of gotten sick and feel really tired real quick. I decided to put my best foot forward and help the Hurricane Victims in the best way I know how. By helping musicians. New Orleans has a great deal of musicians and well they need help finding new places to live and shelter. So I decided to help the group NOAH. Which has been a great relief and well that feeling of shame has slowly become a feeling of accomplishing something. I began by going to there meeting and when they assigned people to do things, I signed up to be the Logistic Coordinator. Sounds like something I can do, create lists and call people, I have done that for a while and well I am glad that I have assigned myself to do it. As logistic coordinator, I still have no idea what to expect and how to do most of the things. I have been told to wait for more information before I start doing the project. I am already working on no plan. How far can I go without a plan? Makes me think of Shrub,he had no plan when he attacked Iraq so pretty much I am playing it by ear. Terrible example, but its what I am leading to.
Speaking of doing a job that I have no idea what I am doing, I am also working on borrowed computers. Not fun when my own laptop is being repaired. So again, I am doing work half/ass. The best part of my job of helping people is that I feel busy and it keeps me from feeling guilty. Being Dumb though thats just something I have been focusing on for a while.
Last week, I went to the UH Oregon game and well I decided to find a group who would accept me. I didn't really find a group nor did I feel like I was doing anything to be part of a group, but I still felt like I should TRY to find some people for a story I am writing. Well while at the tailgate I ran into a group of fraternity brothers from the Phi Delta Theta and they told me a little bit of there fraternity and there troubles and well I thought ok these people sound like people I can easily relate to. I was part of a group that wasn't really accepted and was a trouble maker and I made average grades so I thought heck, just hang out with them and see what happens. Well at the tailgate everything was great and I sort of felt hey these guys aren't so bad till I met one guy who really hated outsiders and he really had a short temper. I felt threatened by this guy and I didn't want to step on anybody's toes but I had to figure out what is going on. I later read a story about this particular fraternity and there practices and read that the same guy with a short fuse was arrested for Assault. I then realized thank god I left. So I knew I didn't belong with a group of deliquents. Trying hard to piece these things together I learned quickily that I had to solve my story quickly. I called a few of the brothers who accepted me and told them I am working on a story about Fraternity Culture in America., They seemed interested and I told them it would be a great idea to hear there imput. After all, I had to be fair, I couldn't think of a fraternity story without talking with a fraternity. So I decided to wait out and organize my ideas and see what can I say without hurting anyone. Well tomorrow I will imbark on the first leg of the story. Getting to know if they will help me. I am still scared to death that they will hurt me and beat me up, but I want to accomplish this story before Holliween.
So if I have a few broken bones and fractures, you know the story didn't run so well.
Scared yes,motivated yes but deciding to do it for the fun of a great story who knows. I will be happy once its published.
I will let you the blog readers be the first to read the story.
Then I will send it out to the brothers. Who knows it maybe a great time to meet new people.
Well I am going to continue with working with NOAH till I have an answer.