I first wanted to say that I had an eventful weekend. I of course figured I can write about it without fear of persecution and fear of getting beat up again. This past weekend, I was in my first fight. Of course I didn't fight back I just left. Some people just want to start trouble and even though the idea of fighting is a terrible idea. I didn't fight back. The whole fight was started by being with a crowd that didn't even want me there in the first place. I only went to the group because a friend called and told me to come. I realized that if I wasn't in the group with them, I wouldn't feel sore.
I knew when I arrived I didn't belong and I wanted to leave before getting there but I was being nice and thought it was ok to just visit the group. I learned that the group had one guy who was a total asshole and that he had a short fuse. The guy started by insulting me and basically belittling me and I would react calmly by just laughing it off and didn't think about it. Then I had to open my mouth and say jokingly Screw You. I had enough of being insulted and I thought he was going to laugh. Well he took that as an insult and started hitting me. I had told him I was simply joking and I didn't want to fight. Well, he didn't see my sense of humor and started punching me. I knew I could of fought back but I was worried I would get in trouble myself with the law. So I decided to let the guy hit me. Once I was on the ground, he started kicking me in the ground and hit my back. He seemed like he was happy that he fought me. And basically put me down. I never felt so angry in my life.
When I was getting up I told my friend, take me home. She took me home and I told her that I will never go back to a college football game on that campus especially if you call and invite me. I don't trust you and I know I don't belong with her clique. She seemed oblivious that I didn't feel comfortable there. I left and went home. I was to tired and especially sore. But I felt angry and sad that I didn't fight back.
I called my mom, to tell her about the fight and she told me I did the right thing. So that made me feel better but I felt as if I hurt my manhood. So I didn't think much of the fight, I told my dad when he came home from work that night and he also said I did the right thing but I still felt as if I should of at least had one swing.
Now its Monday and I still feel upset. I began to ask random people whether I did the right thing or not. A few said that I did the right thing while a small portion was undecided. So I figured it was easier not to dwell on it.
I just wish my emotions were able to control myself. Cause I feel extremely angry and really sad that I was in a fight and I didn't swing back.
But being a pacifist is who I am and thats what the Buddhists believe in. So I did right. Painfully, and true, If I swung back he would of got me more.
Oh well. I am still sore and won't be fully back to myself for a while. But for now, I am just going to avoid the people and the campus.
I am going to stick to Rice University.
Well,I will write more today but for now dad needs the computer.